Trust

It is crazy how God shows up in big and in small ways. One of those smalls ways is how in Authentic Living, a follow up course to Freedom Session. I currently do not doubt His presence, nor in Him being alive, but sometimes I have moments when I do.

It is in these moments that, I will definitely be looking to this blog to just remember something so small, and so simple to reveal where and how God is always present and always weaving His plan and His people together. Today, we talked about triads – a group of three go whom are accountable to one another.

In my authentic living group, only four of my freedom session group came, three were there tonight and I thought to myself of how I would love to be in a triad with them. For many reasons, including I trust them, they know me and my story, and I trust myself with them – I know I can be honest with them, without fear of conviction and honesty back.

As we discussed triads, I wondered if they would want the same, and when group was dismissed the three of us came together and started talking, and I eventually lost myself in the conversation. I also had a bit of hesitation, wondering if God would possibly want me to open up more and invite someone else into this triad. But, I brought it up to them that I did not know anyone who I trust with my faith and who I felt knew my story and life enough to guide me, and be willing to guided by me. So one of the girls openly asks, “do you guys want to be a triad?”

We had a laugh admitting to each other, we had one another in mind, did not ask out of fear of rejection, out of doubt and out of being unsure; in the end it turns out God had indeed put it in all of our hearts.

It’s safe to say, I feel like – although, I love my freedom session group, and wish we were all together still, I get this sense that there is a reason it was the the three of us who committed to the group and chose to see it through. I do not know what God’s plan is for us, nor will I try to anticipate and predict. I will let God guide and lead me. I will submit to His authority. But, I truly get this sense that this was God and His intervention. That, as much as it was our choice, God put that in our hearts.

I am so excited to do life with these two girls. I have shown them a side of me I do not like, the secrets I wanted to keep buried and never undid. And now, I am ready to walk on a path to a God lead vision that I am very excited to see through.

I hope, when future me sees this, you remember the joy and comfort. Remember feeling God there with the three of you, as you made the “Kiwi Three“. Remember feeling God as you prayed in the driveway. Remember being confident that God is there, He always is and He is always moving.

God Bless,
w/ love

Ari

God moves

You just have to trust Him.

faith is following directions and trusting you’ll get there

I lived a really long time saying “I trust God” but still took matters into my own hands. It is a method that is easier, but not wiser. It’s so easy to fall into temptation that “I know better”. I guess, it’s kind of like back roads? Google maps may tell you one thing, and because you see it it’s easier and better. But, if someone has grown up in an area and knows it like the back of their hand, you sometimes just have to trust them and let them guide you. It’s so much harder to trust someone. You can’t see the map they have in their head. It’s kind of the same concept. You can’t see the big picture of everything, that God sees. But, sometimes you need to let him, take your piece and fit it where He knows is best. You don’t see how you fit in, you don’t see how it works, but you trust Him and somehow, it works. Not somehow, He sees it all. His hand is moving.

I know I need to keep trusting Him. There’s a lot going on that scares me. There’s people – one person, specifically – that keeps popping back into my life and I really do not want him to. I hope he isn’t forced back in, but I can’t do what I did before and manipulate and try to gain control of the situation cause I made things worse.

Right now, I am letting God be God. Which sounds weird, He doesn’t need my permission. Crazily enough, God wants my permission – more like an invitation. He wants me to invite Him to be Lord of my life, and here I am. Not being impulsive. Shoving all the plans and thoughts I have bubbling in my head and putting the to silence, to listen to Him. To trust Him and to let Him do His work. John 6:6, says “He Himself, knew what He would do.” God already knows what to do, how to make things fit and I will let Him do what He will with my life.

I trust God will guide me to where it is best for me. Even if it’s not necessarily the safest, nor easiest.

I ask Him continually for the grace to accept the situations that I may not like. I ask Him to bless me with a heart of gratitude, so in the times of hurt and pain, I can be thankful and seek comfort and joy in Him. I won’t lie and say I am facing this bravely, I’m not. But I am facing it in trust. I know God is working. I trust that whatever happens on this earth, He has plans and He is doing it for my good. For the Kingdom’s good.

Sometimes, trusting God is scary. It’s confusing and sometimes you go in blind. But, He will lead me to still waters.

God Bless
w/ love

Ari

It’s been a while!

Hey, how’s it going? It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Honestly, I wish I could say I was busy, but I was distracted. I think a lot of us like to use “busy” because it sounds productive, but in truth I have simply been distracted. So, here is a small update.

I am taking a fast from social media. I started on Wednesday, and will not be using twitter, tumblr and Facebook (this post gets linked to said accounts, without me logging on). This fast has come up at a good time because my parents and sisters have gone to Philippines for a good half of the fast. With them being gone, and fasting from social media, I am going to have to learn to rely more on God and my husband. I am going to learn how to be still and know He is God.

This is actually such a hard concept, cause I don’t really know what it means to “know He is God”. Am I supposed to contemplate? Meditate? Silence my mind? I think He has been impressing it in my heart that I need to quiet my mind. My mind is always on overdrive and I think so much. I tend to bite off more than I can chew within my own thoughts, then I get too far into my own head and this leads to questions. I wonder how is my faith different than others? How is what I do different? How do I know my God is the right god? I think it boils down to 1). believing. Just believing in Him, trusting in Him ad rather than trying to experience Him, allowing myself to experience Him. and 2). in this fast, letting Him answer my questions. I’ve already asked them, and He has said “it shall be given” (Matt. 7:7), and in this fast I am practicing and learning to be sensitive to His voice, so I do not miss the answer.

I won’t lie, I cried a little bit. I cried out to God and asked for peace over family, peace in not knowing what the future holds, and peace to trust Him and trust that He has good plans and good intentions. I also cried just… feeling Him. It was not big and sparkly, it was not particularly profound, but it was so tranquil. Still. These are two things I often run away from and avoid, and I am not totally sure why. Perhaps it is due to a fear that I will get too much inside my head. Perhaps, I am unsettled and scared of what might happen in the silence. Maybe. I don’t honestly know. I do know, that I wanted write this, not to brag but for my own recollection and memory. So I can look back and reflect.

I will speak more about it another time but Freedom Session was a lot of getting to know myself, and letting God show me who I am in Him. I think this is a season where now I get to know who God is, and honestly that fills me up with so much joy and excitement. If this is the season I get to know my saviour and experience Him, then come what may, I will receive it with a glad heart.

God Bless

w/ love
Ari

Leadership?

I’ve never particularly viewed myself as a leader. At least, I haven’t for a long while. I suppose it’s because I used to, as a kid. And no one seemed to notice that, or I did not interpret it in that way. I don’t know, who thinks that abstract as a child? I was rarely noticed, growing up. I was usually in the background, second to someone else. Someone else would be thought of the be the leader or to be the head. To be fair, it is because they always stepped up. In a vicious cycle, I shied away from the leadership role, and when no one noticed my attributes, it affirmed my insecurities. Interesting how the spirit of insecurity can really drive that deep.

But I renounce that and give this to God. I’ve recently taken up a leadership role in my church’s children’s ministry and I am excited. I cannot wait to have my gifts and talents be used for God. and I cannot wait to see how He grows me and changes me. I can only pray for strength, because being leader means taking responsibilities for others, and taking care of my team, watching and shepherding them, and being someone who is there to support them. It’s kind of scary, too. It’s a huge responsibility.

I also have so many dreams for this team. It’s a small part of a huge ministry of a huge church, but even the eardrum is a small part of the body. I want to be a support for parents, be able to help them and guide them through the complex system of our Children’s Ministry. I want to be able to support other teachers, and be a member they can reach out to. I have so many ideas, so many dreams and maybe, that’s why God has placed me here.

It was so encouraging to hear that the Head of the Children’s ministry and someone who was once her assistant both thought of me right away for this position. It was affirming. And, hearing that really helped solidify my belief that this is where God has taken me and is guiding. This is where I am meant to be, and this is where He wants me to do His works, for His glory. In Him, with Him and Him through me, I can be a leader. I can be the leader I once thought I could be. I hope in my leadership, I am humble like Jesus and love on my team the way He loved on his disciples. I pray that my dreams and goals line up with God’s and through me He can execute a part of His glorious plan.

All in all, I am so excited to serve Jesus. I am so excited to be used by Jesus. I am so excited to be a part of this plan- this masterpiece. I cannot wait to see His plans unfold and fall in love with him. Love him deeper, love Him harder and to feel His great and immense love for me. This place in my faith, I am so happy. I am so overwhelmed and excited to have God and have a relationship with Him. I have not desired God so much in so long and it feels so good to yearn for Him, His love, His presence, Him again.

Father God,

thank you for choosing me. I am not worthy. But by Your actions, Your blood I have merit. Please use me, in anyway you can. If it scares me, help me to lean in You and trust in You. Help me to walk in faith through the fear. Show me a truth today, tomorrow see me do it.

Ariana

Thank you for reading. I am in this place in my faith where, I feel so close to God. I really want to reach out to Him, be with Him.

God bless
w/ love

Ari