Trust

It is crazy how God shows up in big and in small ways. One of those smalls ways is how in Authentic Living, a follow up course to Freedom Session. I currently do not doubt His presence, nor in Him being alive, but sometimes I have moments when I do.

It is in these moments that, I will definitely be looking to this blog to just remember something so small, and so simple to reveal where and how God is always present and always weaving His plan and His people together. Today, we talked about triads – a group of three go whom are accountable to one another.

In my authentic living group, only four of my freedom session group came, three were there tonight and I thought to myself of how I would love to be in a triad with them. For many reasons, including I trust them, they know me and my story, and I trust myself with them – I know I can be honest with them, without fear of conviction and honesty back.

As we discussed triads, I wondered if they would want the same, and when group was dismissed the three of us came together and started talking, and I eventually lost myself in the conversation. I also had a bit of hesitation, wondering if God would possibly want me to open up more and invite someone else into this triad. But, I brought it up to them that I did not know anyone who I trust with my faith and who I felt knew my story and life enough to guide me, and be willing to guided by me. So one of the girls openly asks, “do you guys want to be a triad?”

We had a laugh admitting to each other, we had one another in mind, did not ask out of fear of rejection, out of doubt and out of being unsure; in the end it turns out God had indeed put it in all of our hearts.

It’s safe to say, I feel like – although, I love my freedom session group, and wish we were all together still, I get this sense that there is a reason it was the the three of us who committed to the group and chose to see it through. I do not know what God’s plan is for us, nor will I try to anticipate and predict. I will let God guide and lead me. I will submit to His authority. But, I truly get this sense that this was God and His intervention. That, as much as it was our choice, God put that in our hearts.

I am so excited to do life with these two girls. I have shown them a side of me I do not like, the secrets I wanted to keep buried and never undid. And now, I am ready to walk on a path to a God lead vision that I am very excited to see through.

I hope, when future me sees this, you remember the joy and comfort. Remember feeling God there with the three of you, as you made the “Kiwi Three“. Remember feeling God as you prayed in the driveway. Remember being confident that God is there, He always is and He is always moving.

God Bless,
w/ love

Ari

Time and Surrender

I value my time. A lot. If I have nothing to do, I will usually dedicate it to just myself. But today, I had to take a moment, just five minutes to meditate. I clearly heard God telling me, I need to surrender. And in order to do that, I need to give Him my time. I need to deliberately and intentionally make time, time for Him to be with Him and and in that He will teach me how to surrender.

I don’t want to be who I was once. I want to be who He wants me to. I want to learn and know how to worship in Spirit and in truth and be sincerely emersed in. What does it mean to love God for God as God? Not just because He died for me, not because He will bless me. For no reason, but to love God. Because, I know Him and to love Him for all that He is. What does that all mean? I believe He will show me. I just need to surrender.

Busy, busy, busy

I have been so busy. It’s a mixture of just making myself busy, but also being busy. I think that is definitely a drug of mine. I like to make myself busy. But, I have been trying to take a step back. My husband has been very supportive of this, and has encouraged me to be more creative. I think it is such a big part of my personality. Wanting to create, explore and imagine. It is also something I suppressed for far too long, because it made me feel left out. It made me feel like the weird one, odd one out. I felt like I did not belong, but I realized, it helped me. I realized it too late.

I have been so sad and dreary without any outlets. But I have taken up writing, blogging, knitting and my husband bought me a tablet to draw digitally. I still sketch in my notebooks, but now I have more control over my drawings which is nice. I can’t wait to share them.

As for my faith, it took a bit of shunt for a while, but thankfully, God is still good. God still wants me and thank the Holy Spirit I still want Him.

This one will be a short one, but I hope to update more and more throughout the year, and take a step back away from making myself busy.

God bless
w/ love

Ari